Robin L. Shahverdian, ATR-BC, CLAT, LPC
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"I wish I was a superhero"

8/16/2018

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"I wish I was a superhero" said the child.
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And the child grew up to be a nurse. And that nurse held the hand of the family member crying when their baby was born and when their grandmother died. And that nurse cleaned up when that person was sick and felt helpless and lost. And that nurse did everything from fluffing a pillow to providing medications to being first on the spot when the unthinkable happened. That nurse worked 12 hour shifts, holidays, weekends- missing some things with their own families to be there for others. And that nurse was a nurse even when NOT working, answering everyone's questions, gracious when someone says, "Oh, you're a nurse? Can you look at this and tell me what it is?". That nurse is always a nurse, working or not.

"I wish I was a superhero" said the child.
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And that child grew up to be a plumber. And when the new homeowners were excited to move into their own place but the pipes were leaking, that plumber helped their dream of owning their own home come true. And when the drains were plugged up right before the family reunion and they called fearing they would have to cancel and lose the chance to see family members they had lost touch with, the plumber came out on that Sunday afternoon and fixed everything. And that plumber gathered their equipment and trudged to the truck hearing that family whispering about how much the job would cost and "that plumber is so lucky, getting so much money". Pretending not to hear since the money was already spent anyway on college bills for the oldest child and medical bills for the elderly parents and the mortgage and the new roof and the car payment and maybe, just maybe, a few dollars for the retirement fund. No one thinking what it might be like if that job wasn't done- and that plumber wasn't available or no one went into plumbing anymore. 
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"I wish I was a superhero" said the child.
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And that child became a teacher. A teacher who managed a classroom everyday and graded papers every night. A teacher who spent summers preparing a warm and welcoming classroom, usually without a lot of money. A teacher who tried to make each student feel special, tried to give individual attention to each with an overfilled classroom, made time for help after school, field trips, parent teacher conferences, and made a difference in so many lives...while always thinking, "Maybe I could have done more".

"I wish I was a superhero" said the child.
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And that child grew up and was a manager. And that manager juggled the needs of employees with the needs of the company. That manager tried to create schedules that allowed people time off but also covered the work to be done. That manager went to the company when the alarm went off in the middle of the night, right after Thanksgiving dinner with a quick wave to the family, and had to go to work whenever called because that's what it means to be  a manager. And that manager heard complaints from corporate above, from staff around, and from customers within. And that manager kept the doors open so people could get food and supplies they need. And that manager never thought of their job as that important or that glamorous and it was just a job, another job with too much to do and not enough pay and wondered what else they could have done with their life and didn't really think that they were open that night when that mother had two coughing children at home and needed cough medicine, or when that couple flew back from their honeymoon late at night and realized they had nothing in the house to eat and were so grateful to grab something and that person who didn't have a place to go for the holiday and simply wanted to be around others...not be alone, and so slowly walked the aisles, glad to have someplace to go. 
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"I wish I was a superhero" said the child.
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And the child grew up to be an artist, even though everyone said that you can't make a living doing that. And the artist created pieces that were challenging and beautiful and thoughtful and sometimes uncomfortable. Pieces that made you think and made the ordinary extraordinary. Pieces that bridged the gap between the myriad of differences that separate us from each other and helped to stitch us back together. That artist brought vision and color and texture and movement and sound. That artist left a legacy that shared a story of who we are at that moment in time, in that place in time, and created something more lasting, more powerful, and rich as all of the arts which have defined, inspired, and taught us all throughout time. And that artist made NO money. And that artist was working side jobs here and there, and eating a lot of Ramen and drinking tap water, and was always a little behind on things, often questioning why they had to be an artist, wondering if it mattered, then finding out it does matter, then questioning all over again. And not always seeing that child looking at the artists work with shiny, awed eyes, thinking maybe that could be them someday.

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I was a superhero

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I was a superhero

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I was a superhero

Extraordinary skills- that is part of the definition of a superhero. 

We are all superheroes. As much as we foster independence and individualism in this country, we are all pieces of a bigger thing- humanity- and we each play a crucial role in making existence the best it can be.
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So whether you know it or not, whether you feel it or not, whether others notice it or not, you are a superhero. Anyone who is working hard and being present in this life, which can be tough, stressful, crazy- that is a superhero to me. 
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Poor Monday....

8/13/2018

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Poor Monday. Monday gets such a bad rap. I have been guilty of spreading "the Mondays". Sometimes because making a joke is just too funny and too easy and sometimes because I have been in jobs I didn't like and dreaded going into work on Monday....except when I had jobs that weren't Monday through Friday. Of course, our "the Mondays" culture is so pervasive that even when we don't work a traditional Monday through Friday work week- which is increasingly rare- we often say "It's my Monday". From Grumpy Cat to pop music, we have decided as a culture to hate Mondays!!!

I decided to browse around the internet to see where this Monday thing started. One interesting tidbit was our tendency to "crush" Mondays or "hate on" Mondays. 
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This was right on target with my Facebook feed on any given Monday! Memes ranged from snarky someecards to annoyingly chirpy Monday motivation memes. Very few people were saying anything about Monday being- just Monday- a day of the week. 
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The next group I clicked through were of the school / young adulthood set which attributed the Monday blues to having to wake up early (ok, this one I'm on board with. I am NOT a morning person.), lingering hangovers, not having homework done- etc. Then there were the job satisfaction ones including a startling and sad statistic (which, take it with a grain of salt because I did NOT confirm this stat!), approximately 70% of people are unhappy with or simply disengaged from their jobs. Having been part of this crew at one time in my life, yes, this made Mondays especially frustrating and bleechy (bleechy is a technical term). Then the super motivational, "change your thinking" folks- I didn't disagree with their take that we have to alter our thinking and not be influenced by cultural perceptions or let our jobs define us, particularly when we don't like them. Yes, that is true but the "mind over matter" group...I don't buy it. If mind over matter and "putting your mind too it" or "if you can't change things you don't really WANT too" ignores a WHOLE lot of other stressors, biological history, simply the realities of life. Otherwise, we'd all be content, healthy, a good weight, nutritionally sound, and doing soulful activities like writing poignant lyrics, cooking gourmet meals, and writing blogs in our spare time. (This one is for business so I exempt myself...okay I DO like it too but believe me, I am not being nutritionally sound right now unless diet soda and pretzel rods is a good lunch)
      Next up, the scientific articles. For this blog, I tend to focus on scientific and researched information because I am hoping that what I find might be helpful for others. Here are some of the top reasons we (scientifically) hate Mondays.
  • Change in sleep 
    • So have most of you heard how you should get up and go to sleep at the same time regardless of whether it is the weekend? Yeah me too. Raise your hand if you do it. What?!?!? There are some hands out there!!  Not me, I am NOTORIOUS for sleeping in, napping, everything you aren't supposed to do. And I am tired a lot so, yeah, there is something to it. I've made more of an effort in the past year or so and have noticed some difference. A lot of research has been poured into sleep cycles and whether we like it or not, our body clocks are in charge. One day of sleeping in or sleeping even 90 minutes longer on a weekend throws everything out of whack. Monday will suck and you will be tired. Also this "catch up on sleep" thing- not true. We can't catch up on sleep- just like we can't eat MORE at one meal to "make up" for missing another meal. Our stomach is still about the same size and eating more isn't going to do anything. Same thing with sleep. Once the body clock is out of whack, the only way to recoup is to get back into a good pattern- workdays AND non workdays. (scroll to end of post for a sleep hygiene routine that could help you!)
  • Transitioning
    • Generally, we aren't good at transitions. Some have more trouble with transitions than others. There are the BIG transitions that most people struggle with such as marriage, graduating school, changing jobs, a death, a birth- and there are smaller ones like saying good bye at the end of a fun night or going to or leaving work.  When people were asked to evaluate the rest of the weekdays, Monday didn't fare any better or worse than any other day but if you ask people to name the worst day of the week, most will say Monday in spite of everything else that might have happened. There is a lot of speculation on why this happens. Some say that we aren't good at emotional change. In relation to work that means transitioning from our personal self to our professional self, changing clothes to "work clothes", watching your language, having to punch a clock (literally or figuratively). Other say there is anxiety attached to any new experience and that accounts for transition issues. Regardless, transitions are difficult. There are ways to combat transitional stress which will be addressed in later posts.
  • Body Image/Health
    • People tend to feel worse about themselves on Monday. Again, there is a lot of disagreement of why this happens. Some say that the indulgences common to the weekend like going out for dinner, special desserts and snacks, drinks, etc contribute to feeling blah on Monday. Some say it is connected to job satisfaction and having to become someone they don't want to become (i.e. their professional self). Some say it is because we start things like diets and exercise routines on Mondays and while those things are considered positive, they come from a place where we don't feel good about ourselves such as feeling unhealthy or overweight. Healthwise, it is documented that more heart attacks and strokes occur on Mondays and higher blood pressures are recorded on Mondays. People tend to weigh more on Mondays as well. Why? We don't know. Probably a combination of all the things above, indulging in comfort food, poor sleep, and job stress but no one really has figured it out.
  • Job satisfaction
    • Most of us have jobs not careers. The opportunity to pursue our passions don't often present themselves. Maybe because we can't find a job in our passion, maybe because we have to have a job to support ourselves financially, or maybe because as much as we want to be a professional NBA player, only so many get there. Even if we do pursue our passions, there are going to be times we don't like our jobs. "bad days" so to speak. That's life. As a former retail worker and on-going service profession provider, I can attest that when others have a bad day, that will impact you, even if you try really really hard not to have it impact you! In my retail days, it was not uncommon for me and my coworkers to be yelled at for things we had no control over such as when the chain store put out Christmas stuff. Red faced and near tears, we would shuffle into the back room, if we were lucky enough to be able to take 2 minutes to recover, and most of us would think that it was not work the $8/hour we were getting....which barely paid for life necessities...but we had no choice. I got very lucky to get out of those paycheck to paycheck jobs. Part was my blood, sweat, and tears but part of it was luck, the roll of the dice. Not everyone gets that so on a Monday morning (or "my Monday" morning) in December, going into work was THE WORST and going home meant plopping down on the couch, no energy, to stare mindlessly at the TV. Not because I wanted to, but because I was drained. That will give you the Mondays.
  • People time
    • WE. NEED. PEOPLE. Anyone who follows my Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/pg/livebreathelovecreate) will see that I often post about relationships. We need people. People need people. Relationships are one of the most important predictors of life success and successful treatment for mental disorders, physical disorders, and addiction disorders. We need to establish our social circles so on Monday, there might be a little more gossiping with co-workers or gathering around the water cooler to swap weekend war stories. Research says that we need this time to be our best. Employers tend to overlook this important socialization aspect that makes us better people AND better workers. I worked at one place where we were told to "stop talking so much to each other". The irony is that we were so overworked that when we did talk it was work-related but even that was too much for our employers. The average employee left after 2 years. Not surprising. 
So next Monday when you turn on the radio, TV, or check your social media, remember....
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Sleep Hygiene 101

Hey, thanks for sticking around for the post-post, kind of like the hidden scene during the credits at a movie.  As promised, here is some sleep hygiene 101. Nothing here is new or amazing- any magazine or website will have similar information but repetition does help us to incorporate things in our lives so without further ado....
  1. Set your sleep schedule and stick too it. Pick a time to go to sleep and to wake up and don't vary it based on school or work changes. Even an hour change can mess up your sleep cycle. A sleep schedule helps improve sleep and daytime fatigue in the long-term and that equals better emotional and physical health.
  2. Set up a bedtime routine. A 30-60 minutes wind down routine can signal your body it is time to sleep. Get away from unnatural lights (even with that blue light filter on!), limit over stimulating anything,-books, TV, sports- a chapter or two in a familiar book is okay but anything that you have to think about too hard will get your mind energized. Repetitive familiar activities: making a cup of tea (no caffeine please!), knitting or crocheting, meditate or pray (there are good apps to guide you and you don't have to look at the screen once you start it!), listen to music- anything soothing to you. A light snack is ok too. I always thought food was a big no-no but a sleep doctor I went too said a LIGHT snack and the right kinds of foods, can help. He recommended a few peanut butter crackers, crackers with cheese, some nuts- things like that.
  3. Make a cozy sleep space for yourself. This might not be getting a sleep number bed because, lets face it, things are expensive! But if you can set up a cozy spot for yourself: pillows (some like squishy pillows, some firm), blankets or no blankets, lighting, stuffed animals, comfy pjs (or not)- whatever makes your space feel safe and secure. It is also recommended to sleep in a slightly cool space, around 65 degrees F, plus or minus. Our bodies rest better when cool. a lower bedroom temperature helps the process.
Has anyone noticed yet that these are the things we do to help babies and children sleep? Yup! The same holds true for adults so set up a routine for yourself just as you have for children, nieces, nephews, and so on. There is a reason we teach this to babies- it works! We just forget it along the way. I am one of those people who will let myself get carried away on the wave of anxiety around holidays or  having "too much to do" and sacrifice sleep. I learn EVERY time that this is a bad idea for me and that the best thing we can do is take care of ourselves. Don't we all know that though? And forget it? Make exceptions? That is the human bit of equation. Try- in your own time and when you are ready.Sleep well and wake up happy!
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    © Robin L. Shahverdian and livebreathelovecreate.org, 2018- ; Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Robin L. Shahverdian and livebreathelovecreate.org with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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